Tag Archives: relationships

30 Things I’ve Learned in 30 Years

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I’m thirty. Ayee. (Sidenote: crazy that I haven’t posted anything in over a year… gotta get back on it. I have lots!) I turned thirty two weeks ago and I wrote this list in no particular order. Of course I’ve learned more than what I’ve written below… things like handwritten notes being awesome and how jumping in my bed after a long day is one of the best feelings and so is decluttering. (Y’all like how I just threw in a few extras not officially on the list?) In all seriousness, I took a few days to write this and I really thought about things and life lessons that I really value. Again, in no particular order, here they are:

  1. God is love and I really do love Him. I can only love others to the extent I love myself (Mark 12:31). Meaning I wouldn’t know how to love myself without knowing God. And if I don’t love myself, my capacity to love others is greatly limited.
  2. There is nothing like family. The good and the bad lol I’m thankful for it, blessed by it and I’m realizing I appreciate my family more and more as I get older.
  3. Parents are graced with a certain strength from God. They have their own struggles and they’re still there for us. *crying face* Even as an adult, I expect certain things or take things for granted without realizing it. For example, I’m grown and I still expect mom and dad to always be there lol… and I’m so thankful they are.
  4. I know some truly incredible people and I feel really blessed to call the people I call friends friends and fam 🙂 Luh y’all!
  5. People aren’t always going to like me for me and it may have nothing to do with me. (Translation: People don’t always need a reason to not like you.) With people like this, I’ve learned to pray for them and keep it moving rather than losing focus and becoming distracted.
  6. Being healthy isn’t as difficult as it seems. It starts in the mind because, “as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he” (Proverbs 23:7). But… of course actions have to match up. I can’t think healthy and eat fried chicken and biscuits every day and never exercise. Basically, health is really practical and when we set our hearts on it and make up our minds to be healthy, I believe we will be. It’s cyclical. Thoughts will dictate actions and actions thoughts.
  7. Trusting people can be difficult. But it’s so necessary for growth! I’m not talking in romantic relationships only but career, etc. We need to understand how to develop a healthy level of trust to keep moving forward.
  8. Check yourself before you check others. You might still need to check someone lol but sometimes it’s “me”.
  9. Listen to where someone is coming from first before jumping to conclusions or making assumptions. Because my assumptions may come from my experiences and it’s not fair to project them onto another person who acted in whatever way because of his/her reasons. This one is a work in progress y’all!
  10. Not getting the last word is humbling. Lawd. Y’all feel me here?
  11. Good intentions don’t make a person good or the outcome good. “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”
  12. I appreciate the tough times in life. Of course I’m saying this on the other end of what I’d consider some pretty hard times lol But I haven’t forgotten how those times have pushed me, shown me myself, made me draw closer to God like never before.
  13. It’s ok to do something different than what your parents think you should do. This is a part of growing up and into our own. Don’t get it twisted, I still respect and value my parents’ input. (Love you mom and dad! :D)
  14. A man who desires to please himself more than God outside of marriage won’t honor me in marriage. This one is hard to grasp and it might be a bold statement but if he doesn’t honor God before marriage, isn’t he less likely to honor God (and me) after marriage?
  15. It’s important to value yourself and know your worth. If I don’t know my worth, why should I expect others to?
  16. Perspective is everything. Being able to change my perspective to a positive one helps me trust God and see that things will work out for good.
  17. A grateful heart is a happy heart. People who can be thankful in all things, despite whatever non-good thing is happening, are likely to see more good in life.
  18. I never try to overpack but it’s one of the best ways to pack. Haa. Y’all might not agree with me here but I never really see it as overpacking because options… and you’ll always have what you need.
  19. Spend money only on stuff that I really want so I can have more to spend on the stuff that I really want and like.
  20. I like people. I’m one of those people that genuinely likes people, meeting new people, hearing their stories, etc.
  21. Get up and go! Travel. Experiencing a new culture is refreshing. Sometimes things don’t need to be super planned out.
  22. I love massages. Going to the spa is one of the most relaxing things for me.
  23. Comparison is an enemy to contentment. Firstly, you don’t know what that person has done and gone through to get where he/she is. Secondly, his/her journey just isn’t yours. Focus on God and where He wants you to be rather than comparing yourself to where someone else is in life. People who compare themselves a lot are more likely to be jealous of others or let their insecurities lead them.
  24. God is my peace. I understand what Philippians 4:5-6 means when it says “peace that surpasses understanding”. Sometimes things don’t make sense but when you trust God, you really experience a supernatural peace.
  25. Life happens. And it never stops happening. As I age (saying this sarcastically haha), it’s increasingly difficult to deal with life without God.
  26. Work life balance is an always thing. Learned this one from my one and only big bro and so happy I did! Work life balance will look different in different seasons of life, sometimes I will be working more and life balance, i.e., social time or me time is just less. And other times, life will be more demanding than work.
  27. I want everyone to know the love of God. Because let’s be real y’all, some of us are out here really broken and in our brokenness are breaking other people (knowingly or unknowingly). Am I adding to people’s brokenness or helping people heal? It’s sad to see so many people searching for peace and hope and happiness… stuck in depression, anxiety, identity issues, trying to measure up and they haven’t accepted the only one that can help them (God).
  28. I need time to think. With no distractions. Away from everything and everyone. I love these times of peace and serenity.
  29. Whole Foods is the best (grocery) store ever. Period.
  30. You’re asking to be disappointed if you do whatever it is that you do to be recognized or appreciated. It’s nice to be appreciated or recognized but that shouldn’t be your motivation or goal. How are you impacting people where you are?

There’s my thirty y’all! For my lovely fellow thirty plus people, holler at me in the comments. I’d love to hear what you’ve learned. The good, the bad, the ugly, the funny. Youngins, i.e., anyone in their twenties, I want to hear from y’all too. (Jk jk on the youngins, I don’t actually think I’m old :)) Alright, peace and love and hugs, hope you took something away from this! ❤

With love,

Carin

All Messed Up

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Just got home from a brief convo with a few friends. I feel like we’re doomed. I know, I should be optimistic but how we think about love, dating, sex, it’s all messed up. Biblically speaking, it’s all wrong. First of all, we can’t love, truly love, selfless love, unconditional love because we don’t know God. How can we love or know love if we don’t know the creator and giver of love. God is love. What we think is love is something else and it pulls us in all kinds of wrong directions. Giving oneself away physically does not mean love.

Many of us are slaves to sex sin and don’t even know it. Slaves meaning it controls us, our relationships, life. We may think it’s normal because everyone says it is. If no one else has told you, let me, it’s not normal. Actually, it may be the societal norm but it shouldn’t be our norm. It complicates thing in present relationships and future ones. Sex before marriage will never satisfy. Why? Because it isn’t the order God intended it to be and it isn’t true intimacy. One can only experience true intimacy after marriage, the way God intended it to be (Hebrews 13:4). You can’t connect with someone physically if you haven’t connected with him/her spiritually, mentally, emotionally, socially. As a Christian, if you haven’t entered into the covenant of marriage, there will always be some level of inhibition, lack of openness, comfort or trust.

If I can just keep it real, I didn’t want to post this. I wrote this weeks months and months ago. I feel it’s one of those topics that most people feel, act, validate based on their lifestyle and social norms. Girls Ladies, it doesn’t make you a stronger woman, more free and comfortable with whom you are because you have more partners. And boys men, talking about how many girls you’ve been with doesn’t make you more manly. Who is man enough, strong enough, bold enough to change that narrative? Some things (i.e. abstaining) may never be the cool thing to do, but are you cool enough to make it cool to talk about how many girls you’ve abstained from in your circle of friends?

As a Christian, any man or woman who isn’t willing to wait until marriage isn’t ready for marriage. There’s a selflessness, obedience and honor to God that should come first. For the ladies and the men, let me say, you are worth the wait and for anyone who says or acts differently #deuces.

Jesus replied, “Very truly I tell you, everyone who sins is a slave to sin. Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed (John 8:34-36)

If you are a Christ believer, you are no longer slave to sin. You are a son of the family of Christ, of light, righteousness, life. You are free. You have a right to be free. Free to overcome EVERYTHING you believe you cannot overcome. Everything you’ve given up on overcoming. Who is ruling? You can overcome whatever it is, depend on God to do it in and through you.

I know this is a topic that may make us uncomfortable. It doesn’t fit our lifestyles anymore so we tend to find ways around it. We start calling the Bible outdated, irrelevant, etc to justify or validate our sin as ok. If you’re a Christian, let’s acknowledge God’s truth in all things instead of disputing it because it’s difficult to accept or convicts us to the core.

I know some of you are reading this like, oh well I’m satisfied with where I am and what you believe or what you have might be good, but it’s not for everyone. Remember Christ. Jesus paid the price on the cross for us. For you and your intimacy, that you may know true love. He made a covenant with God just for you so you could be free.

❤ Carin

 

You Have Nothing to Prove

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“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” This. Because so many of us are in bondage to people. We dress, we work, we act, we do for others. What will so and so think, how many likes can I get, can I get promoted for this? It’s easy to let perception, influence, recognition run us.

Naturally we want to please our family, friends, baes, boos, bosses, fans, people in general, but reality is we’ll never be good enough for everyone. We can’t please or find favor with everyone. But God. The one who matters will be well pleased with us if we trust in and follow Him over man. Sounds easy, but it’s not. Actually think about it, how often do you make decisions based on what someone will think of you vs what you really want to do or feel led to do? From the little day to day things to the “bigger” life things… be honest 🙂

Let’s talk about this “proving ourselves” thing a little bit more. It’s such a part of our culture that it seems to be a natural, normal thing. Truth is we should only be concerned with what God thinks of us, “well done my good and faithful servant.” (Matthew 25:21) And please don’t take this out of context… I’m not saying to neglect responsibility or don’t do things that are expected of us. I’m talking about our tendency to put people before God. Something I believe comes from a desire within to prove ourselves. At some point in life, a seed was planted that we aren’t good enough or that we don’t and never will measure up. Maybe it was something someone directly or indirectly said to us, a teacher, family, friends, society, circumstance or our own selves… missed expectations? Maybe it was something we’ve just internalized over time making us feel lesser than. It could be anything that’s led us to this point of believing we have to do whatever it takes to make it, to prove ourselves.

Why is thinking this way faulty? Because f r e e d o m. When we’re living to please others over God, we lack freedom and we’re bound to man. Freedom starts with an inner contentment with who we are in Christ. It means to desire what God has for you first and foremost, the willingness and ability to allow God to be in control of your life versus being influenced or controlled by our desire to be accepted by man over God. We can’t be free AND be subject to man. Isaiah 2:22 says, “stop trusting in mere humans who have but a breath in their nostrils. Why hold them in esteem?” 

Putting God first makes everything easy. Really. The challenge is that we often times are not putting God first. The demands of the world are too much and they aren’t for us to carry. The world enslaves us, causes us to live in bondage rather than freedom. We can easily get consumed with pleasing people, robbing ourselves of the joy that life should give us. When you’re feeling super pressured to deliver, as many of us do all the time, remember, the only one that really matters is God.

As a Christian, you aren’t meant to fit in with the world, doing the things the world does in the world’s way. Your life shouldn’t look like anyone else’s life. And as long as your life does or you fit in with the world doing worldly things, you’ll be unhappy, unfulfilled even because God has so much more for you. So, if you feel like a loner, or like no one gets you or that you don’t fit in, that’s awesome. It’s time to ask God where it is that He wants to take you. There’s a reason He’s unsettled you. Cheers to walking in a freedom that only God could give. I promise you, you’ll be happier than ever 🙂

As long as we’re living for him and trusting Him and letting Him be God in our lives, God will be well pleased with us. Keep things in order, God first for real, and everything else will be alright.

With love always,

Carin

Your Heart Lies

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“Go with your gut.” We hear this often, and I can’t say I disagree with it. If I feel like something is right, I do it. If I have peace about something, I do it. Should we stop trusting our hearts though?

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; Who can know it? (Jeremiah 17:9). This verse says it all, we actually don’t know our hearts. Think about how much we trust ourselves to make the right decisions, to say the right thing, to do the right thing. We sincerely try to do what’s right, but sometimes it’s just not in us. How often do we fail? We think we’re trusting God, but we’re really trusting ourselves. In Romans 7:15-16, Paul says that he doesn’t understand what he he does, for what he wills to do, he doesn’t practice, but what he hates, he does.

How do we trust ourselves if, by nature, our hearts are wicked? These next verses explain it perfectly. Just like there is bad, there is good, just like we have deceitful hearts, we can have pure hearts… God wants to give you a clean heart.

He that trusteth in his own heart is a fool: but whoso walketh wisely, he shall be delivered (Proverbs 28:26).

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh (Ezekiel 36:26).

It’s about transformation, walking wisely with a renewed heart of flesh. Walking wisely means understanding what the will of the Lord is, giving thanks for all things, submitting to one another in the fear of God (see Ephesians 5:15-21). I hope we can all get to a point where we know we are trusting God in us, not ourselves. Only then can we make right decisions, from the little to the big things, how to spend the day, career, relationships, etc.

God wants to lead you in the right way, is your heart open to Him?

❤ Carin

When Will You be Done Living a Simple Life?

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You are running away from peace, love, happiness and don’t even know it. You may think you are doing what brings you happiness, but, it feels like you’re in a constant state of confusion. You are digging deeper in the things you are trying to run away from: loneliness, emptiness, unforgiveness, the desire to be loved, the list goes on. The relationship or job promotion, the drugs, sex, alcohol, shopping or whatever it might be loses it’s appeal after so long and you’re back at step one, you feel empty and you are pursuing that love, the success, your purpose, only to find these things no where. That’s because they can only be found in one place, with God. If you are saved by grace and know God, the ways of the world shouldn’t be your ways (Romans 12:2, 1 John 2:15-17). If they are, you will forever be running. So, when will you be done living a simple life?

A simple life is not living by God’s word. It is simple to say yes to the flesh, to your desires. It is simple to say that the Bible is outdated and to pick and choose what you want to believe because society is “evolving”. A simple life is being like everyone else around you, doing what everyone else is doing, accepting what everyone else is telling you to accept. It is simple to live how you want to live. It is not simple to live by God’s grace. But, why, shouldn’t it be? If you believe and walk by faith, then why is it so hard to live by His word? We make it tough on our own because we do not walk in the fullness of the Lord (Ephesians 3:14-19).

It’s not that God doesn’t want you to be happy or to have fun. It’s that the more we sin, the further we go from God. The further we are from God, the further we are from being where He wants us to be, doing what He wants us to do. There is no peace in that. You will forever be empty and looking for something more because true happiness, true joy and purpose only comes when you are wholeheartedly serving Christ and letting Him lead you.

My reality isn’t your reality and your reality isn’t mine. Yes, there are biblical truths that none of us can deny, but when it comes to living, each of our journeys are unique to us and that is between God and you. You just have to keep it real.

I have given them Your word; and the world has hated them because they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. I do not pray that You should take them out of the world, but that You should keep them from the evil one. They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. Sanctify them by Your truth. Your word is truth (John 17:14-17).

Are you willing to stand apart, to go through the trials, to be bold, to be different? I don’t mean different like the world defines different, but different because God is calling you to stand apart and go somewhere only you can go if you let Him lead you and take you there… Through the fiery furnace like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, through the wilderness to the promised land like Moses, through trials and prisons like Paul. Are you ready to live more than a simple life?

With love,

Rinny

Stop Living for “Me”

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Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. (Philippians 2:3-5 NLT).

Your life is for others, not yourself. Think about where you are and all the people that have helped you get to that point. Your parents, siblings, a teacher, pastor, friend, but also maybe a “random” person that you’ve met at some point who just gave you a timely word. If these people weren’t in place throughout your life, would you be where you are? God knew exactly what you would need, when and how you would need it and who He could use to help you. God wants us to know that He’s created us for more than ourselves. He wants us to live for others even though it’s not always the easiest thing to do and sometimes may require sacrifice. I know, the world says differently… do what makes you happy, we teach self expression, individuality, independence, pursuing what you want, living your truth. But, what is your truth if it’s not the truth? 

In Matthew, the disciples asked Jesus what is the greatest commandment. Jesus responded, “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind… And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.” (Matthew 22:36-40). If we focused beyond ourselves, wouldn’t the world look a bit different? God also commands us to do unto others as we would have them do unto us. Not just family and friends, but everyone, even the most annoying, miserable person who gets on your last nerve :).

When you realize that your life is about more than you, you might find it easier to make it through the tough times and find joy in everything. God comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. And when others are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us because we understand (2 Corinthians 1:4). There’s greater purpose to your trials, to your six figures, to your pain, to your happiness.

“You don’t become happy by pursuing happiness, you become happy by living a life that means something to someone else. The happiest people are not always the richest or most powerful ones, but rather the ones that are kind to others, have peace, love, etc. Happiness is a byproduct of purpose. The more you busy yourself in your God calling, serving others, loving others, praying and being a blessing to others, you find your happiness, your blessing.”

Life is about more than “me”. Live for yourself, but live for others!

With love,

Carin

You Are Worth More

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…than your career, a relationship, your fav designer shoes. Sometimes we place so much value on these things that they began to define us. We want the next promotion, more money, the newest gadgets, and enough is never enough (Luke 12:15, Ecclesiastes 5:10). They become our identity.  When we feel empty or we are looking for something more to fulfill us, it’s easy to turn to the things society deems as important.
 
Reality is, this only leads to confusion because we are so much more than these things. Career, money, power and even relationships are all temporal things. We should be kingdom focused, storing up treadures in Heaven, Matthew 6:19-21.

I love this quote from author/writer Richard E Simmons, “We live in a culture that measures greatness by building a business, amassing some great fortune or being a celebrity. But in my mind, true greatness is measured by the impact you make on the lives of other people.”

If you are you looking for something more in life, what are you looking to? Are you fulfilled in Christ first? I know this might be a bold statement for some of you, but, if you’re not, you’ll forever be searching. 
 
Ephesians 3:19 says, “May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.”
 
So how can you be made complete or find contentment where you are? To be made complete, you must first believe in Jesus Christ (Philippians 3:8-14).
As far as contentment, a couple of things: depend on Christ to strengthen you, to take care of you, trust God and be thankful no matter what your situation or circumstances are (Philippians 4:10-13, Ecclesiastes‬ ‭6‬:‭9‬).
A lot of us are not where we want to be… trust, you’re not alone lol. But, you’re where you are for a reason. You’re learning, you’re growing and as long as you’re focused on God, you’re one step closer to the next thing He’s called you to do, so keep going! 🙂
With lots of love,
Rinny

Lonely On Valentine’s Day? This Is For You!

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Heyy y’all!

Happy Valentine’s Day 🙂 I just wrote a post about loneliness on my church’s Strictly Young People (youth ministry) blog.

Here’s a snippet of the post:

If you’re not smiling today because you think Valentine’s Day is just another day to remind you of your loneliness, I hope that this blog puts a smile on your face. And for everyone who feels “ugh not another Valentine’s Day to remind me how single I am,” this is especially for you… you are not alone!

You’re probably like, well yeah I am. I don’t have a boyfriend/girlfriend. My friends are all going out on dates… I’m sitting at home alone. I live in this hugee city with millions of people and so much to do, but I still feel empty. There is no one for me. I am lonely.

Firstly, let me say that loneliness is biblical. It is a desire to be with someone because that’s the way God created us…

Finish reading it here: Lonely on Valentine’s Day? This is for you!

Be blessed and have a great day y’all!

P.S. Last year I wrote about what I think is The Best Kept Relationship Secret. Check it out!

“What God Is Calling You To Do Doesn’t Exist Yet”

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That’s a quote from a sermon I heard last year. Promising right? There’s something here in life that only you can do. You’re special. So live like you are.
Be salty. I love this scripture, Matthew 5:13-16 “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot. You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”Don’t do the ordinary, do the extraordinary. Don’t be average, be above average. Don’t live how everyone else is living, live differently. Romans 12:2 says “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
Don’t want what everyone else wants, want better. If you are walking with the Holy Spirit, your desires should be those that come from the Holy Spirit. ‘Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.’ (Romans 8:5, check out Galatians 5:16-17 too)
You are called to be set apart. ‘Thus you are to be holy to Me, for I the LORD am holy; and I have set you apart from the peoples to be Mine.’ (Leviticus 20:26)
Be bold. Only God will give you the direction, the wisdom (James 1:5) and strength you need. ‘A man’s heart plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps.’ (Proverbs 16:9)
How are you walking, in His will or your own? You’ll only be as great as you think you are or can be if you follow yourself. Follow God and he’ll make you greater, more successful and everything else than you would ever dream of.
Keep going, keep pushing, keep praying, keep praising!!
Love y’all,
Rinny

You Are Wanted

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I don’t mean wanted by your bf or gf, significant other, mom, dad, sister, brother, friends, co-workers, the people we usually seeek validation from…I mean wanted by someone faaar greater than any of these people, God.

He is looking for you, calling you, waiting on you. Ever hear a word that just touches you? That wasn’t a coincidence, it was God talking to you.

In your loneliness, Jesus is your companion, in your trials, He is your comfort, in your depression, He is your hope, in your confusion, your clarity. Everything you need is in Him. Philippians 4:19 And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.
If you’re longing for someone, for love, for peace of mind, if you feel empty, don’t turn to people or to things of the world to cope. Go to the one who wants you the most, who loves you the most, who hurts because you hurt. He’ll pick you up and place you on solid ground if you just trust in Him. Psalm 40:2 He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings.
What’s kept me all these years has been my dependence on Christ. Even before I completely surrendered everything (i.e. career, relationships, etc) to him he was calling me, wanting me to acknowledge him in everything, loving me the whole way 🙂 Lucky me, right? It’s the same for you!
May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. Ephesians 3:19.
God loves us all the same, and way more than anyone else can ever love you. Through the sins and mistakes, he’s still pursuing you. Just run to him.
With love,
Rinny