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30 Things I’ve Learned in 30 Years

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I’m thirty. Ayee. (Sidenote: crazy that I haven’t posted anything in over a year… gotta get back on it. I have lots!) I turned thirty two weeks ago and I wrote this list in no particular order. Of course I’ve learned more than what I’ve written below… things like handwritten notes being awesome and how jumping in my bed after a long day is one of the best feelings and so is decluttering. (Y’all like how I just threw in a few extras not officially on the list?) In all seriousness, I took a few days to write this and I really thought about things and life lessons that I really value. Again, in no particular order, here they are:

  1. God is love and I really do love Him. I can only love others to the extent I love myself (Mark 12:31). Meaning I wouldn’t know how to love myself without knowing God. And if I don’t love myself, my capacity to love others is greatly limited.
  2. There is nothing like family. The good and the bad lol I’m thankful for it, blessed by it and I’m realizing I appreciate my family more and more as I get older.
  3. Parents are graced with a certain strength from God. They have their own struggles and they’re still there for us. *crying face* Even as an adult, I expect certain things or take things for granted without realizing it. For example, I’m grown and I still expect mom and dad to always be there lol… and I’m so thankful they are.
  4. I know some truly incredible people and I feel really blessed to call the people I call friends friends and fam 🙂 Luh y’all!
  5. People aren’t always going to like me for me and it may have nothing to do with me. (Translation: People don’t always need a reason to not like you.) With people like this, I’ve learned to pray for them and keep it moving rather than losing focus and becoming distracted.
  6. Being healthy isn’t as difficult as it seems. It starts in the mind because, “as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he” (Proverbs 23:7). But… of course actions have to match up. I can’t think healthy and eat fried chicken and biscuits every day and never exercise. Basically, health is really practical and when we set our hearts on it and make up our minds to be healthy, I believe we will be. It’s cyclical. Thoughts will dictate actions and actions thoughts.
  7. Trusting people can be difficult. But it’s so necessary for growth! I’m not talking in romantic relationships only but career, etc. We need to understand how to develop a healthy level of trust to keep moving forward.
  8. Check yourself before you check others. You might still need to check someone lol but sometimes it’s “me”.
  9. Listen to where someone is coming from first before jumping to conclusions or making assumptions. Because my assumptions may come from my experiences and it’s not fair to project them onto another person who acted in whatever way because of his/her reasons. This one is a work in progress y’all!
  10. Not getting the last word is humbling. Lawd. Y’all feel me here?
  11. Good intentions don’t make a person good or the outcome good. “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”
  12. I appreciate the tough times in life. Of course I’m saying this on the other end of what I’d consider some pretty hard times lol But I haven’t forgotten how those times have pushed me, shown me myself, made me draw closer to God like never before.
  13. It’s ok to do something different than what your parents think you should do. This is a part of growing up and into our own. Don’t get it twisted, I still respect and value my parents’ input. (Love you mom and dad! :D)
  14. A man who desires to please himself more than God outside of marriage won’t honor me in marriage. This one is hard to grasp and it might be a bold statement but if he doesn’t honor God before marriage, isn’t he less likely to honor God (and me) after marriage?
  15. It’s important to value yourself and know your worth. If I don’t know my worth, why should I expect others to?
  16. Perspective is everything. Being able to change my perspective to a positive one helps me trust God and see that things will work out for good.
  17. A grateful heart is a happy heart. People who can be thankful in all things, despite whatever non-good thing is happening, are likely to see more good in life.
  18. I never try to overpack but it’s one of the best ways to pack. Haa. Y’all might not agree with me here but I never really see it as overpacking because options… and you’ll always have what you need.
  19. Spend money only on stuff that I really want so I can have more to spend on the stuff that I really want and like.
  20. I like people. I’m one of those people that genuinely likes people, meeting new people, hearing their stories, etc.
  21. Get up and go! Travel. Experiencing a new culture is refreshing. Sometimes things don’t need to be super planned out.
  22. I love massages. Going to the spa is one of the most relaxing things for me.
  23. Comparison is an enemy to contentment. Firstly, you don’t know what that person has done and gone through to get where he/she is. Secondly, his/her journey just isn’t yours. Focus on God and where He wants you to be rather than comparing yourself to where someone else is in life. People who compare themselves a lot are more likely to be jealous of others or let their insecurities lead them.
  24. God is my peace. I understand what Philippians 4:5-6 means when it says “peace that surpasses understanding”. Sometimes things don’t make sense but when you trust God, you really experience a supernatural peace.
  25. Life happens. And it never stops happening. As I age (saying this sarcastically haha), it’s increasingly difficult to deal with life without God.
  26. Work life balance is an always thing. Learned this one from my one and only big bro and so happy I did! Work life balance will look different in different seasons of life, sometimes I will be working more and life balance, i.e., social time or me time is just less. And other times, life will be more demanding than work.
  27. I want everyone to know the love of God. Because let’s be real y’all, some of us are out here really broken and in our brokenness are breaking other people (knowingly or unknowingly). Am I adding to people’s brokenness or helping people heal? It’s sad to see so many people searching for peace and hope and happiness… stuck in depression, anxiety, identity issues, trying to measure up and they haven’t accepted the only one that can help them (God).
  28. I need time to think. With no distractions. Away from everything and everyone. I love these times of peace and serenity.
  29. Whole Foods is the best (grocery) store ever. Period.
  30. You’re asking to be disappointed if you do whatever it is that you do to be recognized or appreciated. It’s nice to be appreciated or recognized but that shouldn’t be your motivation or goal. How are you impacting people where you are?

There’s my thirty y’all! For my lovely fellow thirty plus people, holler at me in the comments. I’d love to hear what you’ve learned. The good, the bad, the ugly, the funny. Youngins, i.e., anyone in their twenties, I want to hear from y’all too. (Jk jk on the youngins, I don’t actually think I’m old :)) Alright, peace and love and hugs, hope you took something away from this! ❤

With love,

Carin

All Messed Up

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Just got home from a brief convo with a few friends. I feel like we’re doomed. I know, I should be optimistic but how we think about love, dating, sex, it’s all messed up. Biblically speaking, it’s all wrong. First of all, we can’t love, truly love, selfless love, unconditional love because we don’t know God. How can we love or know love if we don’t know the creator and giver of love. God is love. What we think is love is something else and it pulls us in all kinds of wrong directions. Giving oneself away physically does not mean love.

Many of us are slaves to sex sin and don’t even know it. Slaves meaning it controls us, our relationships, life. We may think it’s normal because everyone says it is. If no one else has told you, let me, it’s not normal. Actually, it may be the societal norm but it shouldn’t be our norm. It complicates thing in present relationships and future ones. Sex before marriage will never satisfy. Why? Because it isn’t the order God intended it to be and it isn’t true intimacy. One can only experience true intimacy after marriage, the way God intended it to be (Hebrews 13:4). You can’t connect with someone physically if you haven’t connected with him/her spiritually, mentally, emotionally, socially. As a Christian, if you haven’t entered into the covenant of marriage, there will always be some level of inhibition, lack of openness, comfort or trust.

If I can just keep it real, I didn’t want to post this. I wrote this weeks months and months ago. I feel it’s one of those topics that most people feel, act, validate based on their lifestyle and social norms. Girls Ladies, it doesn’t make you a stronger woman, more free and comfortable with whom you are because you have more partners. And boys men, talking about how many girls you’ve been with doesn’t make you more manly. Who is man enough, strong enough, bold enough to change that narrative? Some things (i.e. abstaining) may never be the cool thing to do, but are you cool enough to make it cool to talk about how many girls you’ve abstained from in your circle of friends?

As a Christian, any man or woman who isn’t willing to wait until marriage isn’t ready for marriage. There’s a selflessness, obedience and honor to God that should come first. For the ladies and the men, let me say, you are worth the wait and for anyone who says or acts differently #deuces.

Jesus replied, “Very truly I tell you, everyone who sins is a slave to sin. Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed (John 8:34-36)

If you are a Christ believer, you are no longer slave to sin. You are a son of the family of Christ, of light, righteousness, life. You are free. You have a right to be free. Free to overcome EVERYTHING you believe you cannot overcome. Everything you’ve given up on overcoming. Who is ruling? You can overcome whatever it is, depend on God to do it in and through you.

I know this is a topic that may make us uncomfortable. It doesn’t fit our lifestyles anymore so we tend to find ways around it. We start calling the Bible outdated, irrelevant, etc to justify or validate our sin as ok. If you’re a Christian, let’s acknowledge God’s truth in all things instead of disputing it because it’s difficult to accept or convicts us to the core.

I know some of you are reading this like, oh well I’m satisfied with where I am and what you believe or what you have might be good, but it’s not for everyone. Remember Christ. Jesus paid the price on the cross for us. For you and your intimacy, that you may know true love. He made a covenant with God just for you so you could be free.

❤ Carin

 

You Have Nothing to Prove

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“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” This. Because so many of us are in bondage to people. We dress, we work, we act, we do for others. What will so and so think, how many likes can I get, can I get promoted for this? It’s easy to let perception, influence, recognition run us.

Naturally we want to please our family, friends, baes, boos, bosses, fans, people in general, but reality is we’ll never be good enough for everyone. We can’t please or find favor with everyone. But God. The one who matters will be well pleased with us if we trust in and follow Him over man. Sounds easy, but it’s not. Actually think about it, how often do you make decisions based on what someone will think of you vs what you really want to do or feel led to do? From the little day to day things to the “bigger” life things… be honest 🙂

Let’s talk about this “proving ourselves” thing a little bit more. It’s such a part of our culture that it seems to be a natural, normal thing. Truth is we should only be concerned with what God thinks of us, “well done my good and faithful servant.” (Matthew 25:21) And please don’t take this out of context… I’m not saying to neglect responsibility or don’t do things that are expected of us. I’m talking about our tendency to put people before God. Something I believe comes from a desire within to prove ourselves. At some point in life, a seed was planted that we aren’t good enough or that we don’t and never will measure up. Maybe it was something someone directly or indirectly said to us, a teacher, family, friends, society, circumstance or our own selves… missed expectations? Maybe it was something we’ve just internalized over time making us feel lesser than. It could be anything that’s led us to this point of believing we have to do whatever it takes to make it, to prove ourselves.

Why is thinking this way faulty? Because f r e e d o m. When we’re living to please others over God, we lack freedom and we’re bound to man. Freedom starts with an inner contentment with who we are in Christ. It means to desire what God has for you first and foremost, the willingness and ability to allow God to be in control of your life versus being influenced or controlled by our desire to be accepted by man over God. We can’t be free AND be subject to man. Isaiah 2:22 says, “stop trusting in mere humans who have but a breath in their nostrils. Why hold them in esteem?” 

Putting God first makes everything easy. Really. The challenge is that we often times are not putting God first. The demands of the world are too much and they aren’t for us to carry. The world enslaves us, causes us to live in bondage rather than freedom. We can easily get consumed with pleasing people, robbing ourselves of the joy that life should give us. When you’re feeling super pressured to deliver, as many of us do all the time, remember, the only one that really matters is God.

As a Christian, you aren’t meant to fit in with the world, doing the things the world does in the world’s way. Your life shouldn’t look like anyone else’s life. And as long as your life does or you fit in with the world doing worldly things, you’ll be unhappy, unfulfilled even because God has so much more for you. So, if you feel like a loner, or like no one gets you or that you don’t fit in, that’s awesome. It’s time to ask God where it is that He wants to take you. There’s a reason He’s unsettled you. Cheers to walking in a freedom that only God could give. I promise you, you’ll be happier than ever 🙂

As long as we’re living for him and trusting Him and letting Him be God in our lives, God will be well pleased with us. Keep things in order, God first for real, and everything else will be alright.

With love always,

Carin

10 Dating Rules for 2016

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Hey y’all! I just wrote a post on our Xconvo discussion about the dating game in 2016… such a fun discussion! You can imagine how lively it got 🙂 What are your expectations, deal breakers, social media, who should pay on the date, etc. We’re dropping the full video next week Thursday 2.25.16, but check out our vlog on the rules we came up with in the meantime!

(If you don’t know about Xconvos, you’re missing out! It’s a web-based series of real discussions on various social topics from a black Millennial perspective. We are changing the conversation through these solution focused discussions. I think you’ll enjoy them, check em out!)

Now, for le dating game.. here are the first five rules we came up with:
 
1.    Self evaluate: know yourself, know your worth. Are you secure in who you are? Know your expectations, needs and limits in a relationship and from your significant other. We all want a perfect relationship, but perfect is relative. Everything you expect in your significant other should also be attributes you have.

2.    Come complete, she/he will not complete you. A husband/wife will complete you, but also won’t complete you. Understand that you have value as an individual. Don’t enter a relationship to fill a void or just because you’re lonely. Dating is much deeper than that. Yes, you may temporarily feel love and companionship, but if you’re in a relationship and looking for every bit of your happiness and fulfillment in the other person, you may lose it quicker than you found it.

3.    Do your stalking due diligence. Social media is your best friend… sometimes lol (Check out the Xconvos dropping later this week for a different perspective on this!)

4.    Whoever initiates the date, expect to pay. Yep, ladies too. If you ask a guy out on a date, you should expect to pay. Not saying that you will pay, but you should go with the expectation of paying. “It’s 2016, ladies gotta step up.” I’m hearing this a lot these days. Question for y’all, should ladies be asking men out on dates? I’m not a fan haha, but maybe I’m a bit more traditional in a few ways. Ladies, am I wrong? If you have asked a man out before, how’d it go?

5.    Don’t waste time! Pretty self-explanatory. Ain’t nobody got time for games. #dontwastehistime #dontwastehertime

Go read the rest of the rules on the Alibi X blog, The Digital Conscious! I think number 10 is my favorite. Let me know what you think! Anything you would add?

Hope you enjoy 🙂

❤

God, Remember Me? 

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God doesn’t forget you. How many of y’all have been there, feeling distant, lost, hopeless? Where are/were you in my struggle, pain, hurt, heartbreak, God, remember me? I believe we often times pray this out of desperation because, the truth is, God has never forgotten you and never will. God is always present even when we don’t ask (or want Him to be lol). It’s never God forgetting us. It’s us not seeing where He is working in our lives or even allowing Him to be present and work in our lives. It’s a matter of us never letting go of Him.

This morning I asked myself what would it take for me to go to sleep every night knowing that I lived my day to the fullest, knowing that I walked every step as God wanted me to, went as He lead, spoke to those He wanted me to speak to, kept my attitude in check, went right and not left even when I didn’t want to. Honestly, I’m not really sure, but I know I can start by scripture and keeping my mind/thoughts on God. Every morning I’ll give my day to God, ask Him to take it over. This is the only way I see me walking in His will daily. If I do that, then I’m sure I’ll accomplish all that He desires of me. I won’t have to worry about a to do list, burdening myself with things I shouldn’t be focused on. There’s a reason there are only 24 hours in a day. (I’m not saying don’t have a to do list, I just mean be flexible as God leads.)

Psalm 139 and Jeremiah 1:5 both talk about how God knew us before we were even formed in the womb. If God took time to know us then, don’t you think he still knows us?  “Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” (Luke 12:7) This scripture is an example of how God cares about the littlest to the biggest things in life. If we do our part and walk in faith, I believe we’ll see how and where God is working in our lives and we’ll find ourselves saying, “God, remember me?” far less. The finished work is God’s job and God always does His part.

Instead of God, remember me? Let our prayer be God, help me not to forget you. He’ll use us in magnificent ways.

Love y’all!

Carin

God’s Promise To His Chosen Servant

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God is with you. Isaiah 49 is a chapter full of depth about God’s promises to His chosen servant. We are living in crazy times, so crazy that sometimes I wonder if these are the end times… just me? In the midst of all the craziness, all we can do is stand on God’s promises to us. It can be easy to lose hope or just feel like what you’re working towards is pointless, but when we realize what God has promised us, we’ll be able to stay focused and walk in an unspeakable joy that no one and no circumstance can take from us.

In a time of favor, I have answered you in a day of salvation I have helped you. Those who wait for me shall not be put to shame. For I will contend with him who contends with you, And I will save your children. I will feed those who oppress you with their own flesh. These are just a few of the promises from Isaiah 41 and 49 that stood out to me. Here are some of the scriptures in full, keep them as reminders for yourselves!

I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you. I said, ‘You are my servant’; I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:11

Though you search for your enemies, you will not find them. Those who wage war against you will be as nothing at all. Isaiah 41:12

For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. Do not be afraid, you worm Jacob, little Israel, do not fear, for I myself will help you,” declares the Lord, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel. Isaiah 41:13-14

This is what the Lord says: “In the time of my favor I will answer you, and in the day of salvation I will help you; I will keep you and will make you to be a covenant for the people, to restore the land and to reassign its desolate inheritances, 9 to say to the captives, ‘Come out,’ and to those in darkness, ‘Be free!’” Isaiah 49:8-9

Kings shall be your foster fathers, And their queens your nursing mothers; They shall bow down to you with their faces to the earth, And lick up the dust of your feet. Then you will know that I am the Lord, For they shall not be ashamed who wait for Me.” Isaiah 49:23

But thus says the Lord: “Even the captives of the mighty shall be taken away, And the prey of the terrible be delivered; For I will contend with him who contends with you, And I will save your children.” Isaiah 49:25

Do not fear, do not be afraid, I will keep you, I will help you. How awesome are these promises? Psalm 34:19 says, “Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all.” For God to be known, he uses His people and works through them. The Bible never says that we won’t go through anything. It says that our afflictions will give us a reason to praise and glorify God because of the victory we receive.

Happy Monday. Keep going. Stand on God’s promises this week. His word will give you strength.

With love,

Carin

Who’s Building Your House?

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Is God building your house or are you building your own house? Psalm 127:1-2 says,

“Unless the Lord builds the house, They labor in vain who build it; Unless the Lord guards the city, The watchman stays awake in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, To sit up late, To eat the bread of sorrows; For so He gives His beloved sleep.”

Think about building a house. It starts with laying a foundation, a strong foundation to hold up and hold together the structure above it. When this scripture says “unless the Lord builds the house”, it is talking about God leading and guiding us in our life’s journey in everything. Often times, we build our own foundation, make our own plans, choose our own way then want God to take over and finish the building process for us. The challenge here is that we don’t know how to properly build a house with a strong foundation that will be able to withstand everything that comes to tear it apart or break it down. Once we realize this, we end up giving God a fragile house with a lot of potential, one with cracks and problems that need to be fixed to make into the greatness it’s supposed to be. And that’s ok because desires to give us His grace,  but the same way some houses need to be torn down to be repaired from the ground up is the same way we are.

God will do it. “It is vain for you to rise up early, To sit up late, To eat the bread of sorrows; For so He gives His beloved sleep.” God wants us to put in the work, but He wants us to work smartly and to let him do the tough work. Can we have faith enough to let him be in control so we can rest and be at peace? If we build a strong foundation, and have a healthy spiritual life and relationship with God first and foremost, everything else will fall into place. We should be seeking God about our careers, promotion, investment decisions, health, girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, husband, finances… everything, so our work won’t be “in vain” as Psalm 127:2 says. God has all the (right) answers, so why waste our time!? Can we trust God enough to let Him build us up and establish us instead of being led by our own desires and emotions?

We can be confident that if God is leading us and building our houses, He is leading us in victory and while He is leading, He is using us. “But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests through us, the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place (2 Corinthians 2:14 KJV). Walk in your victory!

I know it’s tough, y’all. In the midst of life, daily struggles, the ups and downs, to see God in everything. Just remember that He is always working on our behalf, moving things around for us. We have to believe that God is always faithful and working in our favor, not only when we see Him come through how we want Him to and when we want Him to, but always. I’ll finish with this awesome parable of the farmer sowing seed in Matthew 13:3-8, “Listen! A farmer went out to plant some seeds. As he scattered them across his field, some seeds fell on a footpath, and the birds came and ate them. Other seeds fell on shallow soil with underlying rock. The seeds sprouted quickly because the soil was shallow. But the plants soon wilted under the hot sun, and since they didn’t have deep roots, they died. Other seeds fell among thorns that grew up and choked out the tender plants. Still other seeds fell on fertile soil, and they produced a crop that was thirty, sixty, and even a hundred times as much as had been planted!” Let’s plant our seeds on fertile ground with roots that can’t be torn up. When we let God build our house, He’ll give us a joy that gives us a reason to smile even in the toughest, worst times of life.

With love,

Carin

Your Heart Lies

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“Go with your gut.” We hear this often, and I can’t say I disagree with it. If I feel like something is right, I do it. If I have peace about something, I do it. Should we stop trusting our hearts though?

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; Who can know it? (Jeremiah 17:9). This verse says it all, we actually don’t know our hearts. Think about how much we trust ourselves to make the right decisions, to say the right thing, to do the right thing. We sincerely try to do what’s right, but sometimes it’s just not in us. How often do we fail? We think we’re trusting God, but we’re really trusting ourselves. In Romans 7:15-16, Paul says that he doesn’t understand what he he does, for what he wills to do, he doesn’t practice, but what he hates, he does.

How do we trust ourselves if, by nature, our hearts are wicked? These next verses explain it perfectly. Just like there is bad, there is good, just like we have deceitful hearts, we can have pure hearts… God wants to give you a clean heart.

He that trusteth in his own heart is a fool: but whoso walketh wisely, he shall be delivered (Proverbs 28:26).

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh (Ezekiel 36:26).

It’s about transformation, walking wisely with a renewed heart of flesh. Walking wisely means understanding what the will of the Lord is, giving thanks for all things, submitting to one another in the fear of God (see Ephesians 5:15-21). I hope we can all get to a point where we know we are trusting God in us, not ourselves. Only then can we make right decisions, from the little to the big things, how to spend the day, career, relationships, etc.

God wants to lead you in the right way, is your heart open to Him?

❤ Carin

Inside the Artist Studio | Q&A with Jamel Robinson

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“I believe that God has given me purpose and put a calling on my life to create so everything I do has His purpose for me painted on it. Literally.  So in order for me to create with purpose, all I have to do is pick up my tools and get to work.”

Jamel Robinson

Jamel Robinson. A little back story so y’all know how cool he is. Our first convo was about his grill (the mouthpiece not a food grill). We were both chillin at the Soho House, started talking about grills, art and a bunch of other stuff. (Everyone always thinks I’m playing, but I really want one. I’ve been saying I am getting one for way too long… coming soon :D)

Back to why you’re reading this, Jamel! He is a seasoned poet turned artist with an awesome perspective on art and life in general. Born and raised in Harlem. He creates in Harlem, but he’s all around the city. Some of your favorite celebrities collect his art. Check out my q&a with him below!

What made you transition from poetry to art?

Jamel: I am a poet turned self-taught painter. After years of writing and performing, a friend asked me to paint a poem on a canvas and be a part of a group exhibition that he was curating. That’s what officially got me into painting back in November of 2011. A month later, after getting word that someone close to me had passed away, I went back to the art supply store I had gone to for supplies, came home and began a journey that I’ve been on every day since, finding and developing the “visual language” that I now use to express myself.

What influences your style?

Jamel: One of my favorite Basquiat quotes is “you’ve got to realize that influence is not influence. It’s simply someone’s idea going through my new mind.”

Being an artist can be really tough since everyone is a critic of your work and you’re pretty much at the mercy of public opinion. How do you stay confident and motivated?

Jamel: I think I’ve gotten as far as I have by being fearless. I try not to think about what anyone else is thinking about my work. Also, in order for me to show something publicly, it has to meet my approval and since I don’t put anyone’s opinion above my own, once I think it’s good, it’s good enough for everyone else. I was the same way when I used to write; you wouldn’t read or hear a poem unless it met my approval. Any thoughts to the contrary that come up, I acknowledge and dismiss.

How does faith play a role in your artistry?

Jamel: Because I’m fortunate enough to make a living off of my artwork, I constantly have to have faith that God will provide for me as long as I show up and do my part, which is simply to create and then show my work to the world however I can. God has always taken care of the rest. But even before that, when it’s just me and the canvas or a piece of paper or wood – or whatever I’m expressing myself on, I have to have faith that God is working through me and that I’ll make something that people can connect to in some way.

What has been the biggest challenge of your career and how did you overcome it?

Jamel: The biggest challenge for me is always not to give up, not to give in and not to let go. Not to give up on this dream I never had yet find myself living, not to give in to the fears that are constantly calling for attention and not to let go of everything I’ve built so far along this journey or what God has planned for me if I just stick with it.

How do you find time to keep God first on a daily basis?

Jamel: I start my day with prayer, reading the Bible, SOAPing, which is a style of writing on the Bible, meditating and making art. These are all exercises in gratitude. If I can be grateful, I can put God first and hopefully keep him first in all of my affairs.

Creating with purpose can also mean standing out, which is not always easy, especially for young people. Do you have any words of wisdom for your fellow young folk on not compromising their beliefs and staying true to God throughout their careers and life?

Jamel: I think that if you put God first, before your wants and the world’s desires, everything else will fall into place. You can’t think about what you’ll lose if you don’t conform to the world, you have to have faith in what you’ll gain from honoring God. When you feel pressure to bend in the opposite direction of your faith, break away into the arms of God and know that you’ll be carried and cared for.

What’s next for you?

Jamel: I’m currently developing a one act play and, as usual, thinking about where and when to have my next solo exhibitions (I have three that are just about ready to show), but there are a few other things you’ll just have to keep up with me on Instagram or get on my mailing list to get wind of.

Y’all heard him 🙂 Check him out on Instagram @jrcreativeink or follow his Tumblr to keep up with his work and how he’s creating with purpose. Looking forward to the one act play Jamel!

❤ Carin

I Need a Gilzene in My House!

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Heyy y’all. I am super excited to kick off The Chai Series with Justin Gilzene aka Club-Bum. I got the idea for this series a couple of months ago and here goes my first feature! I can’t think of anyone better than Justin to be my first interview. Justin is a super dope, young artist from the Bronx, NY. I had the privilege of chatting with him about how he got into painting, what influences him and what keeps him going. Check it out below!  

ME: When did you get into painting and what made you pick it up?

JUSTIN GILZENE: Three years ago, February 2012, I was 20 years old in culinary school, miserable, working at Cheesecake Factory and a yardhouse and had to be up at 6AM for school. The dean said you’re failing, what’s going on? He asked me what makes me happy, I showed him my sketchbook and he suggested I go to art school. I had one semester left in culinary school, but I didn’t finish. I quit Cheescake Factory when they asked me to work by myself on Valentine’s Day, I quit the yard house… I was jobless. That’s when my friend Josh who is a painter introduced me to the canvas and encouraged me to start painting.

ME: When did you know painting would be “it” for you?

JUSTIN GILZENE: In 2013, I had my first big art showcase, the Raw Natural Born Artists, 500-600 people came. I received lots of acknowledgement, but no one was buying. We were wrapping up and a guy asked me about my Biggie piece. I gave him my contact info and he said he’d get back to me. I’m thinking, “Yeah, that’s what they all say.” The next day, I was reading to my students when he called and said, “I’m ready to make a payment.”

ME: What keeps you going?

JUSTIN GILZENE: Faith in God and being true to myself. I believe in myself, I know good things are always going to come. Being around my muse keeps me going too. Teaching pre-school in 2012, I was influenced by the students to be an artist. I did art to help them learn a letter, a word, numbers… they quickly adapted. That’s how my style came about, cartoon animation, pop culture figures. I wanted to create art that appeals to both adults and young children. Kids are my number one muses, but everything influences me, life, what I see, hear, know.

“I believe everyone has a cartoon figure that is them. For me, Kermit is my spitting image.”

ME: I’ve seen your style evolve this past year. Can you talk about the evolution of your style from when you first started to now and what makes it unique?

JUSTIN GILZENE: Every painting I do has a deeper meaning than what the eye usually sees. There’s a duality to the character and the persona, they coexist, it’s never random. The concept is always the hardest part.

When I started off, I was doing one-dimensional figures and using plain colors like grey, but this soon evolved to more colors. I had an exhibition in Brooklyn in 2013 (or 2014) and did a theme on bullies from different movies and how they correlated with life, Ms. Trunchbull represented the teacher bully, Deebo the neighborhood bully and the shades of grey represented their sadness and sorrow. After this, I started juxtaposing cartoons with pop culture and celebrity. I did that for about a year. Towards the end of last year, my friend said, “Man, I’m tired of seeing these juxtaposition characters, you need to evolve.” At first, I took it to heart, then I thought, “Yeah, he’s right.” That’s why I keep in my circle; he keeps it real with me.

Mickey Mouse

This new work kind of just happened. I was drawing Mickey to be the Mickey character as you know it. I was dealing with a girl and she made me upset. I took my frustrations out on the painting and it just happened. I thought, “Hmm, let me post this on social media and see what people think.” People were commenting saying they liked it more than my other style. I wasn’t sure if I should be offended or not. I was in a weird mood. They liked it, but did I really like it? That that goes to show what expression means to people. I started running with this new style, expressing more, adapting to it. I like it more.

ME: I love the goofy piece you did.

JUSTIN GILZENE: Yeah, I did that with the kids at Harlem Hospital.

ME: That’s awesome. Speaking of kids, they’ve come up a few times. It’s obvious you have a big heart. I know you’ve done quite a bit of charity work and you like giving back where you can. You once said, “I sketch. They paint.” Tell us more about this, what are you doing with the kids and why giving back is so important to you?

JUSTIN GILZENE: I am the Art Coordinator for Harlem Children’s Zone. Part of my job is to do murals on eight or nine walls. It’s fun interacting with them, getting their ideas on what to put on the walls and I get to make it a reality. Their minds are plagued so I want to do as much as possible to affect the negativity in their minds through art.

I’m also working with Harlem Hospital. The Chief of Staff recently commissioned me to update the Pediatrics Center.

ME: Wow, that’s great. Has faith played a role in any of this? How has your faith helped you grow as a painter?

JUSTIN GILZENE: It’s helped me in life in general, not just as a painter. Since I’ve grown up, I’ve seen some friends not doing so well, one friend in prison, some are just continuing that cycle. I look at myself, “What am I doing?” Life is a choice. God blesses us with choice.

“I imagine how God must feel if He’s dealing with that for everyone in the whole world.” 

ME: What keeps your faith up?

JUSTIN GILZENE: You never know how someone feels until you feel what they have felt. I think about how disappointed I am when I am trying to help someone and they aren’t listening to me, continuing in their own way after I show them. That breaks my heart. This made me open up my heart and soul. I imagine how God must feel if He’s dealing with that for everyone in the whole world. My faith inspires me to do good, to do better. God has blessed me with this passion and love and I want to do as much as I can with it. He blesses me with new ideas all the time for my paintings.

I always pray when I wake up, before I go to sleep, when I eat, when I’m walking home, I pray for creativity.

ME: Prayer is key. Do you have any life defining moments that have shaped you that you’d like to share?

JUSTIN GILZENE: I remember this day in high school, I was angry, not angry angry, it takes a lot for me to get upset. The day started off rough, then, at school, everyone was bothering me. I was talking to one girl and she got upset, her friends were goofing around with me, taking my shoes, holding me. They were playing, but I wasn’t in the mood. So I punched what was near me, a glass window. My whole wrist was cut open, I saw my bones, I cut a tendon. The doctor said I was .5 cm away from cutting my main artery. See what happens when you don’t make the right choices or don’t take the time to think and evaluate the choices? If I would’ve punched a little harder, I could’ve bled to death.

ME: Wow. That’s deep. What about with art, any defining moments you can think of you?

JUSTIN GILZENE: Honestly, it’s all the time. People saying you’re my role model, I believe in you. Even kids saying they look up to me. Whoa, me? I’m just a human being. Comments on Instagram, people saying I commend you, keep up the hard work… I’m grateful for all of that. That fuels me to become who I need to be.

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ME: What does creating with purpose mean to you?

JUSTIN GILZENE: Based on my passion and love, I want to share it to help inspire, to motivate and to help everyone see our own flaws and the flaws in the world. I’m not scared to talk about the injustice in the world, politics, race, white supremacy. I’m not afraid to talk about love and hate against our black people, black on black crime. I want to talk about these things through my art. It’s not about the money. Someone asked me why I do my canvases so big. It’s a reflection of how I was raised. I never had my own space. I always had to share. The big canvas is creative freedom, freedom to express; I’m in my own world. I don’t really like doing things small. My purpose is to get the message out there. I’m putting it in the atmosphere, the universe, into everyone’s world. I want that impact on everyone in the world, to build a legacy based on my art and the love I put into my art, into people. That’s why I’m living.

Thanks again Justin, can’t wait to see all the exciting things you’re working on! 

Keep up with Justin’s work, @club_bum on Instagram and keep an eye out for his work in the Harlem Hospital gallery and Pediatric Center later this year. If you’re interested in commissioning or purchasing work, you can reach him at justingilzene@aol.com.

With love,

Carin