Category Archives: Love & Relationships

All Messed Up

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Just got home from a brief convo with a few friends. I feel like we’re doomed. I know, I should be optimistic but how we think about love, dating, sex, it’s all messed up. Biblically speaking, it’s all wrong. First of all, we can’t love, truly love, selfless love, unconditional love because we don’t know God. How can we love or know love if we don’t know the creator and giver of love. God is love. What we think is love is something else and it pulls us in all kinds of wrong directions. Giving oneself away physically does not mean love.

Many of us are slaves to sex sin and don’t even know it. Slaves meaning it controls us, our relationships, life. We may think it’s normal because everyone says it is. If no one else has told you, let me, it’s not normal. Actually, it may be the societal norm but it shouldn’t be our norm. It complicates thing in present relationships and future ones. Sex before marriage will never satisfy. Why? Because it isn’t the order God intended it to be and it isn’t true intimacy. One can only experience true intimacy after marriage, the way God intended it to be (Hebrews 13:4). You can’t connect with someone physically if you haven’t connected with him/her spiritually, mentally, emotionally, socially. As a Christian, if you haven’t entered into the covenant of marriage, there will always be some level of inhibition, lack of openness, comfort or trust.

If I can just keep it real, I didn’t want to post this. I wrote this weeks months and months ago. I feel it’s one of those topics that most people feel, act, validate based on their lifestyle and social norms. Girls Ladies, it doesn’t make you a stronger woman, more free and comfortable with whom you are because you have more partners. And boys men, talking about how many girls you’ve been with doesn’t make you more manly. Who is man enough, strong enough, bold enough to change that narrative? Some things (i.e. abstaining) may never be the cool thing to do, but are you cool enough to make it cool to talk about how many girls you’ve abstained from in your circle of friends?

As a Christian, any man or woman who isn’t willing to wait until marriage isn’t ready for marriage. There’s a selflessness, obedience and honor to God that should come first. For the ladies and the men, let me say, you are worth the wait and for anyone who says or acts differently #deuces.

Jesus replied, “Very truly I tell you, everyone who sins is a slave to sin. Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed (John 8:34-36)

If you are a Christ believer, you are no longer slave to sin. You are a son of the family of Christ, of light, righteousness, life. You are free. You have a right to be free. Free to overcome EVERYTHING you believe you cannot overcome. Everything you’ve given up on overcoming. Who is ruling? You can overcome whatever it is, depend on God to do it in and through you.

I know this is a topic that may make us uncomfortable. It doesn’t fit our lifestyles anymore so we tend to find ways around it. We start calling the Bible outdated, irrelevant, etc to justify or validate our sin as ok. If you’re a Christian, let’s acknowledge God’s truth in all things instead of disputing it because it’s difficult to accept or convicts us to the core.

I know some of you are reading this like, oh well I’m satisfied with where I am and what you believe or what you have might be good, but it’s not for everyone. Remember Christ. Jesus paid the price on the cross for us. For you and your intimacy, that you may know true love. He made a covenant with God just for you so you could be free.

❤ Carin

 

10 Dating Rules for 2016

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Hey y’all! I just wrote a post on our Xconvo discussion about the dating game in 2016… such a fun discussion! You can imagine how lively it got 🙂 What are your expectations, deal breakers, social media, who should pay on the date, etc. We’re dropping the full video next week Thursday 2.25.16, but check out our vlog on the rules we came up with in the meantime!

(If you don’t know about Xconvos, you’re missing out! It’s a web-based series of real discussions on various social topics from a black Millennial perspective. We are changing the conversation through these solution focused discussions. I think you’ll enjoy them, check em out!)

Now, for le dating game.. here are the first five rules we came up with:
 
1.    Self evaluate: know yourself, know your worth. Are you secure in who you are? Know your expectations, needs and limits in a relationship and from your significant other. We all want a perfect relationship, but perfect is relative. Everything you expect in your significant other should also be attributes you have.

2.    Come complete, she/he will not complete you. A husband/wife will complete you, but also won’t complete you. Understand that you have value as an individual. Don’t enter a relationship to fill a void or just because you’re lonely. Dating is much deeper than that. Yes, you may temporarily feel love and companionship, but if you’re in a relationship and looking for every bit of your happiness and fulfillment in the other person, you may lose it quicker than you found it.

3.    Do your stalking due diligence. Social media is your best friend… sometimes lol (Check out the Xconvos dropping later this week for a different perspective on this!)

4.    Whoever initiates the date, expect to pay. Yep, ladies too. If you ask a guy out on a date, you should expect to pay. Not saying that you will pay, but you should go with the expectation of paying. “It’s 2016, ladies gotta step up.” I’m hearing this a lot these days. Question for y’all, should ladies be asking men out on dates? I’m not a fan haha, but maybe I’m a bit more traditional in a few ways. Ladies, am I wrong? If you have asked a man out before, how’d it go?

5.    Don’t waste time! Pretty self-explanatory. Ain’t nobody got time for games. #dontwastehistime #dontwastehertime

Go read the rest of the rules on the Alibi X blog, The Digital Conscious! I think number 10 is my favorite. Let me know what you think! Anything you would add?

Hope you enjoy 🙂

❤

Lonely On Valentine’s Day? This Is For You!

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Heyy y’all!

Happy Valentine’s Day 🙂 I just wrote a post about loneliness on my church’s Strictly Young People (youth ministry) blog.

Here’s a snippet of the post:

If you’re not smiling today because you think Valentine’s Day is just another day to remind you of your loneliness, I hope that this blog puts a smile on your face. And for everyone who feels “ugh not another Valentine’s Day to remind me how single I am,” this is especially for you… you are not alone!

You’re probably like, well yeah I am. I don’t have a boyfriend/girlfriend. My friends are all going out on dates… I’m sitting at home alone. I live in this hugee city with millions of people and so much to do, but I still feel empty. There is no one for me. I am lonely.

Firstly, let me say that loneliness is biblical. It is a desire to be with someone because that’s the way God created us…

Finish reading it here: Lonely on Valentine’s Day? This is for you!

Be blessed and have a great day y’all!

P.S. Last year I wrote about what I think is The Best Kept Relationship Secret. Check it out!

You Have Nothing To Worry About :)

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God loves us soooooo much that he already made provisions for everything we go through, EVERY sin, mistake, problem. All He asks is that we believe and accept Him. He will do the rest (Hebrews 8:8-13), all we have to do is believe and accept it. He will give us the faith, the wisdom, the ability to overcome, to succeed, to change. What changes in us is that we do it unto Him, not for ourselves, to glorify “me”.

Matthew 6:25-34 tells us not to worry about our lives — Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? 28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

God already knows what you need before you even need it and he WILL take care of it. He has your best interest in mind, better than what you could ever dream of. But you can’t get there if you don’t believe He will give it to you. Pray for strength and understanding to lay everything down before God, “Ok God, I give it to you. It’s all yours, I need you to guide me, to do everything in, for and through me. Your will be done.” God says He will never leave you nor forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:8). He says come to me in prayer and supplication and I will hear you (Philippians 4:6, Ephesians 6:8). I have an expected end in mind for you, plans to give you a future, hope (Jeremiah 29:11)…plans to do something GREAT with your life if you just trust in me. He loves us more than our parents, friends, fam, etc and he WANTS to give us happiness, peace and the righteous desires of our hearts.

You feel me? If not, go read the Bible! lol 😉

Love y’all.

-Rinny

What Jesus’ Death Really Means

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Easter eggs and bunnies right? Easter just passed and that’s what flooded so many retail stores. Anyone know where the bunny and eggs thing came from? Fun maybe, but it almost overshadows what Jesus’ death and resurrection really means for us.

God loved us so much that He gave us His son so we can be forgiven of ALL our sins (Romans 5:8). An innocent man, Jesus, died for us so that we:

– Can be made pure, cleansed of all our past, present and future wrongs. You are made new in Him. Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. 2 Corinthians 5:17 If you have already asked for forgiveness and acknowledged Jesus as your personal savior, never look back. You have soo much ahead of you!
– Can have eternal life. For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. – John 3:16 (I love 1 John 5:13-14 too.)
– Love. Love yourself and love others. We love because He first loved us.1 John 4:19 (2 Timothy 1:7)
– Live in peace, joy and happiness. All of these things come from above, not from anything in this world.
– Have something to stand on, depend on someone other than ourselves. (Hebrews 8:8-13, Ephesians 1:11, Psalm 138:8). Have faith!
– Live in light. Ephesians 5:8-9 For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth). — God has overcome all powers of darkness and evil. We are not bound to any of them because of Him. If you are struggling in darkness, turn to God.
– Live in FREEDOM. It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Galatians 5:1 (Ephesians 3:12, Psalm 116:8). Live in victory, God made us conquerers. We are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. Romans 8:35-37

Love y’all and Jesus loves you more 🙂

The Best Kept Relationship Secret

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Happy Valentine’s Day! Perfect day to post about relationship stuff 🙂

What do you look for in a guy? How do you know if he is the one? If you don’t date, how do you know what to look for?

I get these questions a loooot. The answer is simple. God. It may seem silly or weird to some of you but I 100% depend on God in that area of my life. He is way more seasoned than me and will never disappoint. I think God is the biggest kept secret to making any relationship work.

How can you tell if a guy is with you for the wrong reasons? Or why do girls turn crazy after a couple months of dating? Asked a few friends what they look for in their significant other, this is what I got: loves God, humor, good heart, determination, faith, patience, sex, humility and honesty. Deal breakers:  disrespect, arrogance , pride, no relationship with God, selfish…

Consider our lack of discernment, caused by so many things…feelings are one of them. Some might be obvious, but would you really be able to see any any of the above if you don’t have discernment? (Philippians 1:9-10)

I read this in a book once: think of your relationship with God and your future spouse as a triangle. God at the top point, you two at the two other points. As you get closer to God, you get closer to each other. Once God is done preparing you for each other, bam. It will happen in His timing. God’s timing is always the right timing even if it may not seem like it.

If you’re one of those peeps that thinks v-day is “single awareness day”…good. Now, go bask in your singleness 🙂 What better time to do everything God has called you to do as an individual. All your cares should be for things that belong to the Lord, how you can please Him..but when you’re married, you have to also care about “things of the world”, how you may please your spouse. 1 Corinthians 7:32-34. I hope you can see the awesomeness in being single.

If you’re in a relationship, *smiley with the ❤ eyes”, I am happy for you 🙂 I hope you’re enjoying this season in your life. You should be! If not, take a step back and think about it. Are you where God wants you to be right now? He’s got your back so just go to Him.

A few more thoughts:

1. Ask God to choose your spouse for you, to give you eyes and a heart only for the one that he wants you to be with. I’ll be happy with whomever God chooses for me, He can do a much better job than I can haha. Yes, there are manyyy choices and you can make it work with more than one person, but I think there is a special someone God has called for you to be with to accomplish a purpose in His kingdom here together.

2. Ask God for what you want but also ask God to help you only desire what He has in store for you. Pray for your future wifey/hubby.

3. Pray about any relationship you’re thinking about beginning, ask God for confirmation. Asking someone to be your gf should be a big deal. (And girls, you pray too.) God should get all the glory from your relationship.

4. Stay pure. Y’all know what I mean here. If you’re not married, you have not entered a covenant relationship with each other…you don’t “belong” to each other yet. 1 Corinthians 7:2-4  You are a holy vessel, do you want to defile the things of God? 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 I know this is much easier said than done, but the strength to overcome temptation only lies in the Holy Spirit.  He loves us so much that He already forgave us and gave us this power to overcome when he died on the cross.

Love you all lots! God loves you so much more. Happy days 🙂

❤ Rinny

What is Love?

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So real. Saw this on a website a few months ago.
The kiddies say it best. ❤

“When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.” – Billy, age 4

“Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.” – Karl, age 5

“Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.” – Chrissy, age 6

“Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.” – Terri, age 4

“Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.” – Danny, age 7

“Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss.” – Emily, age 8

“Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.” – Bobby, age 7

“If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,” – Nikka, age 6

“Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.” – Noelle, age 7

“Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.” – Tommy, age 6

“During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.” – Cindy, age 8

“My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.” – Clare, age 6

“Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.” – Elaine, age 5

“Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Brad Pitt.” – Chris, age 7

“Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.” – Mary Ann, age 4

“I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.” – Lauren, age 4

“When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.” – Rebecca, age 8

“When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.” – Karen, age 7

“You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.” – Jessica, age 8