“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” The accuracy of this statement.. and I’m so thankful I’m learning this now rather than later! And I’m thankful I’ve learned what it means for some people to be in your life for a season and why we should all find peace when things change. Seasons serve their purpose.

What is a friend? Let’s start here… as Proverbs 18:24 puts it, a friend is someone who sticks closer than a brother. We use that term lightly because, let’s be real, how many of the people we call “friends” will stick closer than a brother when it comes down to the real real. Also, colloquially its odd to refer to someone as acquaintance, associate or companion lol. Anyway, let’s break this down a little more because I think many of us have gotten hurt or disappointed by people we set really high expectations for because we consider them a friend. A friend is someone who cares about you, who values you, who wants the best for you, who speaks well of you (Proverbs 11:13), someone who will keep it real with you even when it may shake up your relationship, someone who isn’t selfishly, secretly trying to get you in the same miserable position he/she might be in. (Because misery really does love company.)

Sometimes, the most miserable people have learned to disguise themselves as happy, healthy and living a carefree life that seems desirable. The keyword is seems. You see, that’s the problem. Carefree. If someone can live a completely carefree life, it means he/she can be so disconnected that they don’t have anyone to care about.

While you might be reading this and thinking that’s ideal because you have parents that annoy you, siblings or family that have betrayed you, a spouse that you’re tired of, friends that get on your nerves… remember that you are not meant to live life alone. Meaning it’s in your DNA to need community, and without people, your loved ones, your blood, your kinfolk, your friends, you would be miserable.

A real friend is someone who won’t turn his/her back on you or gossip with others about you when you make a mistake or disappoint them. And, when a real friend sees something in your life that he/she wants, they would applaud you, encourage you, hold you accountable to support you on your journey, pray with you and use your win as a testimony to stand on for his/her own. A counterfeit may only share negative things, rarely to never speak about the good in your life, encourage you to do things that don’t line up with the Word of God. A real friend drives you, motivates you, encourages you to be a better person.

Those we let in our personal space dictate our future. Sounds extreme? Think about how our friends impact the decisions we make, where we go, what we do, listen to, watch. Friends influence our outlook on marriage, relationships, career, finances, etc. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known someone, from what spirit and wisdom are they speaking? Watch who you allow to speak in and over your life.

“The righteous should choose his friends carefully, for the way of the wicked leads them astray.” Proverbs 12:26

I could go on about friends but the last thing I’ll say is that a real friend genuinely likes you for you. It’s not about what you do, how much you make, what you have or who you know.

For those who have been hurt by friends, betrayed, rejected, I pray that you continue seeking God to restore you, to give you a heart of forgiveness and to help you trust again. Friendship is from God. He will give you the spirit of discernment to help you choose your friends. Keep loving, keep praying, keep going. Don’t let anyone or any situation change you. Maintain your peace and your character and don’t change for man, but for God as He reveals you need to change.

Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11

And if you’re reading this and you feel lonely, you feel like you have no friends or you’re tired of trying to fit in, tired of feeling used or like you just want to be accepted for you… remember that you are fearfully, uniquely and wonderfully made, flaws and all. God has and always will accept you for you. Find your peace and identity in Him first and it’ll make making friends a lot easier for you 🙂

With lots of love,

Carin